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Your Best Friend Is Hanging Out With Your Ex. Now What?

Sarah,

I dated a guy a few years ago. He was my first love and we were together for 3 years. Then, my best friend at the time slept with him behind my back after I told her I wasn’t comfortable with her trying to date him.

I was completely heartbroken over this betrayal and lost my best friend. Recently, my other best friend started talking to him. I told her I wasn’t comfortable with it because she tends to flirt and he’s usually only interested in one thing. She said nothing was going to happen and that they were just friends. She started lying to me about when they would hang out. We live close to each other so when I went past her house one day I saw his car out front and she lied about what she was doing when I asked.

She insisted they just watched a movie and nothing happened. Later, I found out that they were cuddling. She said she lied to me in order to avoid a fight because she knew I’d be mad.

She just keeps lying. Should I be mad at her about this, or am I being too possessive over someone who is no longer mine?
Your situation is very, very similar to a situation I was involved in back in high school.

First, I’m sorry you lost your best friend due to this situation.  I know that sucks.  Second, I’m afraid that your relationship with this other girlfriend may end up the same.

And this is why…

He was your first love, and no doubt your friend knows this.  The fact that she feels she needs to lie to you and sneak around behind your back to hang out and “cuddle” with him should be a big ol’ flippin’ super grande extra large humdinger of a sign that something’s fishy. She’s showing a total lack of respect for your friendship and your feelings.

Why, why, why is his friendship so important to her if they just started hanging out?  And, come on…just cuddling?

Do I think you’re being too possessive over your ex-boyfriend?  Yes?  No?  It has been three years since the split.  Still, it’s hard to say because I think this is more of a question about the quality of your best friendships.

I will tell you one thing: If you still have feelings for him, don’t look past the obvious immaturity and disrespect he’s showing you by sleeping with and hanging out with your best friends.

That is not just a coincidence.

3 comments

  1. Must be why I’ve not dated anyone in the same town I lived? Single gals around. But I don’t know whose who. Meaning. Married since most don’t wear rings. Or whose dating who. Or whose interested in who? So I’ve no idea whose who. Plus my job doesn’t help non.

  2. I’d definitely confront my friend about her true feelings about this guy so she doesn’t have to lie to you anymore. But you should also move on. Cut those ties from him.

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