Time Doesn’t Need to Play a Role in the Acts of Love

Sarah, 

So, here is my problem. I have been seeing my current boyfriend for 10 years.  The relationship has lost something for me.  I don’t feel like we can go any further than we have.  Marriage is out of the question, as is children.  He is older than I am, and as much as I love him and wish him all the happiness in the world, I really don’t think either of us is happy.

Now, there is another male who is closer to my age that has asked me out. I would love to say yes for fear that I might be missing out on something, however I am so afraid to move forward after spending so many years in my current relationship.  Please help.  Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks.

 

If you really aren’t happy in this relationship, and you can tell that he isn’t either, why don’t you be straightforward with him?  (Be straightforward in the nicest possible way, please.)  It’s possible that he’s feeling the same way you are, but also questioning the complexities and emotions in ending a 10-year relationship.  It’s also possible that he’s sensing that you’re acting different towards him, as I’m sure you are.

I was with a guy for well over 6 years.  I wasn’t happy for much of the end of it, but during those last few months, I knew I was done.  Would you like to know how I knew?  Of course you do!  I thought to myself that he would be so much happier with a woman that could love him the way he should be loved.  I was entirely, 100%, okay with the thought of him being with and being in love with someone else.

The thought of my current husband being in love with anyone else makes me want to poke a random woman in the eye with a dull, No.2 pencil.  The kind where the entire piece of lead falls out immediately after you’ve sharpened it and you’re left with a scraggly wood tip.  (I hate that.)

You aren’t married and you don’t have children, so fortunately, the toughest thing to let go of will be the memories you have together.  Although, the memories will also be the toughest thing you hold on to.  There are no rules that say you must spend a minimum or maximum amount of time with someone.  Neither friendships, nor relationships, have time limits on them.  I believe that you get and you learn exactly what you’re supposed to from every person that comes into your life, whether it’s for a split-second or fifty years.

Be with someone for love and friendship.  Be with someone for TRUE, you can tell them anything in the world, leave the bathroom stuff out of it, gotta keep the romance, friendship.  Be with someone because your ideals and goals in life are the same.  As long as you share those things, you guys will be able to work around the stupid stuff (technical term) that will inevitably arise.

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