Teen Triangle Trouble

Sarah, 

Hi! I have a huge problem, and I go to a small school, which makes it worse.

Me and this guy have dated in the past but decided just to be friends until we were more mature.  (We are really good friends.) We just started dating in secret about a month ago, and last week my best friend revealed to me that she liked him since kindergarten.  I really do like this guy and do NOT want to breakup with him, but my best friend is like my sister and I don’t want to crush her. To break up with this guy would mean me crushing myself and him, and if my best friend ever did date him it would break my heart knowing that I had given him up for her.

Sorry it’s rather confusing, but please help!!

 

First of all, high-five, low-five, behind the back, fist-bump, blow it up, and props to you for waiting until you were older to start dating!

Now, I’m not sure whether you mean you’re keeping the secret from your best friend or just from everyone else, but she knows you pretty well, right?  I guarantee she at least suspects that you’re dating him.

Honestly, to me it sounds like she’s being sneaky.  How come you JUST found out that she’s liked this guy for so many years?  A little strange, isn’t it?  It’s possible she’s jealous that you’re dating him, so she’s telling you she likes him to hopefully make you feel bad about it.

If she really liked him before, she would have told you at some point in your friendship.  She also had the chance to let him know.  You don’t want to lie to her to spare her feelings, and you don’t want to break up with him to spare her feelings.  That isn’t fair to anyone in this triangle.  Let her know that you truly are sorry if it upsets her, but that you really like this guy and you are going to continue dating him.  Also let her know that if you knew prior to being with him that she was interested in him, you would have run it by her first.  I know you don’t want to hurt her, but you obviously aren’t going to leave him, so being open with her is really your only option.

He likes you.  You like him.  You two are the ones that should be together, don’t you think?

 

***I received a very similar question just a few weeks ago, and it’s amazing how just a little more maturity (in your letter compared to the last one) and a few different aspects of the situation make me think in an entirely different way.  However, please read this past post also…though the answer is completely different, there may also be advice in there that could help you.  http://sarahsideways.com/2012/03/teen-asks-should-i-date-a-guy-my-best-friend-likes/

2 comments

  1. Sounds to me like your friend had her chance for a very looooong time but didn’t act on it for whatever reason… Which means he’s all yours in my book. She’ll get over it! Maybe he has a friend you can double date with!

    1. There you go! She could date one of his friends and turn this into a teenage love square.

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