Teen Asks, “Should I Date a Guy My Best Friend Likes?”

Dear Sarah, 

I am in 7th grade and I think I’m ready to start dating. There is this one boy that I really like and I think he likes me back, but there are some issues. My best friend likes him, too. I really want to go for him but I don’t want to risk my friendship with her. I really think he would be the perfect first boyfriend to have.  He may even be that one person I could have forever. When I see him and actually talk to him I get butterflies in my stomach. I just can’t help but to really fall for this boy. Please give me advice on what I should do. Should I go for him and risk losing my best friend? Or should I try to forget about him no matter how hard it may be?


Short answer:  No.

Long answer:  This will be the first time you’ve ever dated someone, so why would you begin this part of your life by going after a guy your best friend likes?  You know this is going to hurt her feelings.  What you think will come out of a relationship with this guy is very unlikely.  What IS likely though, is that you’ll ruin what you have with your best friend.  Let’s just say I’ve had first-hand experience with this exact situation, and it didn’t turn out very well.  At all.

Okay, so you’re getting butterflies and it seems like he’s “the one.”  Butterflies may be beautiful, but if you look at them closely you’ll notice that they wear a sly little grin.  It’s because they know they get to flutter around tricking people into having all sorts of stupid, crazy feelings and confusing the crap out of all of us.  True story.  Or, I just made that up.  You choose.

Listen, you’re going to meet a lot of potential boyfriends in the next few years, so if your best friend likes him, just move on to another guy.  And I promise you won’t be missing out on the possibility of “forever” with him.  He’s definitely not thinking about forever with anyone—he’s just getting started!

For you, senior year of high school probably seems like forever from now, and in a way, it is. You’ve got a lot of exciting dating years ahead of you.  Wouldn’t it be fun to enjoy them with your best friend on your side?


  1. I do think 12 is too young to “date”, Jan. However, I’m thinking she’s just talking about having a boyfriend. I had a boyfriend at that age, and that consisted of no more than talking on the phone way too late at night – about nothing – and holding hands between classes at school. Hopefully she’s expecting the same at that age.

  2. Doesn’t anyone else think that roughly 12 years old is way to young to date?

  3. Ha! Paul, I was waiting for clarification…not that you and your best friend fighting over a guy would be a bad thing! 😉 You’re right, she could have been open with her friend and let her know that she liked him also, but you just never know…even that could stir up trouble when you’re in the 7th grade.

  4. Maybe she should be honest and openly discuss with her BF which one of the two should try and date this guy. Maybe they can flip a coin or arm wrestle to see who gets the first shot at him. Why should two friends walk away from a cool guy, unless they both agree that neither should date him. If my best friend wants to date a hot guy then I will always defer to his wishes and let him do whatever makes him happy. As for me, I dig girls anyway…

  5. Thanks, guys! I just wish this information was available to me and my friends when we were young.

  6. poor girl… she is going to do the right thing… and her friend is going to date him anyway LOL. Good advice Sarah! as always ?

  7. Well said, Sarah. I tell my kids this all the time !! You should never date a friends ex-boyfriend, nor should you date one they like. This is the girl code :)It will only start trouble….

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