Empty Nesters Agree to Separation with Sex

Sarah,

My wife and I were happily married for many years.  When we became empty nesters, we went through a difficult period in our relationship that lead to a trial separation. We both agreed to date others during the separation, and we also agreed that sex would be allowed.

Due to the demands of work I never had the time to date. My wife, however, dated two different men and she had sex with both of them.  

I am happy to say my wife and I are back together again, and our marriage is doing okay.  Not great, but better.  Still, it bothers me that she had sex with these two men.  So, how do I move past this fact about my wife?

 

You both agreed that sex was an option during this trial period, so you should’ve made certain you were ALREADY past the fact that it could happen BEFORE it happened!

Sorry I yelled at you.

My advice to you would’ve been to resolve the problems in your marriage before moving back in with each other.  It’s too hard to live together again normally when the same issues that caused you to separate are still there.  A separation is supposed to allow you the time to figure out the underlying problems, and then the time to figure out how to repair and enhance your marriage.

I know you’re disappointed now, but I also know you value your marriage because, come on, you could’ve found the time to sleep around. Be thankful that your wife was honest with you.  It’s so important to be honest because buried secrets never allow for true resolution.  But, I digress.

You’re not going to forget that she did the Naughty Tango with some other guys, but you are back together.  She didn’t leave you for good, and she wants to be with you.  That realization alone should be helpful in getting you through this. And while you should not, for the sake of your own sanity, ask her to communicate the details of her flings, you do need to let her know that they’re troubling you.  When she asks you what’s wrong, be honest. Don’t hide this from her.  She surely didn’t hide anything from you.

And while you and your wife are restoring this marriage, treat it delicately. No blaming. No pointing fingers.  There have been a lot of changes in a very short amount of time. It’s possible your children were the glue that held your marriage together for the last few years, so you’ll need to revive the wonderful pieces that glued you together in the first place.

I really think you can get through this.  I hope you do.

Sarah

P.S. – It’s a very good thing you didn’t have time to do the Dirty Cha-Cha with another woman; you’d most likely be writing me from the hospital. It’s just the way it is.

 

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