How To Stop The Silent Treatment

Hi Sarah,  

I recently went through a breakup after a two year relationship. I thought he was my soulmate. We went through a lot of things during our relationship, and I was very patient and supportive with him. Almost beyond belief.

We had a small argument and he instituted the silent treatment for six weeks. Even though it wasn’t my fault, I ended up apologizing. I made it clear that if he pulled the silent treatment again I would not be the one to make contact first and apologize.

After three weeks of getting back together, he did it again. I refused to cave and so did he. It’s now been several months and I can’t seem to get him out of my mind. My question is will he try to contact me? How do I know if he was my soul mate or just an immature passive aggressive abuser? Did he already have another lover lined up?

I’ve never had someone just cut me off so cold after professing his love over and over.


Hi there,

I know your head is all over the place right now, so let’s break this down.

The Silent Treatment

When I’m told a person has been given the silent treatment, I immediately imagine an adult sitting in a corner in time-out waiting for permission to rejoin the world.

Remember, YOU make each day you live in this world what YOU want it to be. (Capitalized and italicized for serious emphasis!) Never allow another person to control or define your life. Life is about constant growth and taking control of all things around you. That’s difficult to accomplish when you’re twiddling your thumbs, staring at a wall, and waiting for a person who has no clue what he wants out of life to tell you what to do with yours. With every tick of the slow-moving clock, damage is being done to your self-confidence.

Soul Mate, Companion, Partner

When you describe a person you love and believe you could spend forever with, words like loving, nurturing, helpful, respectful, joyful and happiness should float around in your head. A person you put in this category should make you feel amazing and never have you questioning whether or not they are the one you’re meant to be with.

So, in true Maury Povich fashion… No, he is NOT your soul mate!

Now that we have that settled…

Is he seeing someone else?

If I had to guess, I’d say yeah, you probably aren’t the only woman he has scratching her head. You called him out on his immaturity first, but I was next in line on that one. Would you like to know what a mature man is like? He’s someone who respects you and wants to make you feel wonderful and desirable. He’s someone who realizes the importance of your love and is truly proud to call you a part of his life.

Can’t get him out of your mind?

There hasn’t been an ending to your time-out. You’re still sitting in the corner wondering when he’ll come back. Know what? You put yourself there. No one is forcing you to stay. Stand up, put on some lipstick, decide that happiness is where it’s at, and accept your current situation with him as final. If you allow him back in your life it’ll only drag on the next inevitable ending that — mark my words — will be much more difficult for you to handle.

Will he contact you?

Probably. He knows you’re waiting around for him.  Much like this guy I wrote about a few months ago.

Will you answer? I hope not. I hope you’re too busy searching for a guy who knows how lucky he’d be to have you full-time. A guy who knows the silent treatment ended in junior high.

Remember this: Once you decide to ignore this guy for good, you become the powerful one.



  1. Silent treatment is a form of abuse where the abuser (the one giving the silent treatment) intimidates the abusee (the receiver of the silent treatment) by giving the message that you are worth talking to only if I say so. I will say so only when you do what I tell you. The vicious circle starts. The best is to walk away after the second time because the third time is once too many.

    1. I agree. Unfortunately, some people just don’t know their worth, and they wait around much longer than they should…waiting for some validation of that worth.

  2. Absolutely! She should take control of that situation. Don’t let him make the decisions.

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