Feeling Outside Pressure to Make Babies!

Sarah,   

Your info says you’re married, you’re happy, and you have a job you love. Are you feeling the pressure to have children?  I personally am married, happy, have found a job I love, and I feel that pressure. If it’s not my nail lady, it’s co-workers, my mom, all of my in-laws, or really anyone. I would love to have kids, but JEEZ these people act like you’re crazy if you are 29, married, but without kids. Am I crazy or are these people crazy?

 

Those people are crazy!  Okay, maybe they’re just curious.  The people that are asking you just likely see pregnancy as the next natural progression in life once you’ve been married for a while.

I’m your age, and we don’t have children yet, so I get those questions from everyone and their dog.  (I really do wish dogs could talk.)  Those questions don’t bother me, but I do find it funny that once you’re about to hit 30, they seem to pop up daily.  We are absolutely ready to have children, but it’s not because I think I’m getting too old. This just happens to be the time when we finally feel ready.  Don’t allow anyone to make you feel pressured.  I would bet that most people (your Mom and in-laws aside), are only asking it out of curiosity, or to make conversation.

Remember, it was normal for our mothers and grandmothers to begin having children at 20 years old, so seeing a married woman without kids, and pushing 30, might seem bizarre to them.  But, to us, it’s absolutely normal.  It’s even normal for women to opt out of having children at all.  And, I don’t see anything wrong with that.  It takes courage to admit that you’d rather be selfish with your time and live a life without kids.  (Selfish isn’t quite the word I want to use, but I can’t think of another that doesn’t also have a negative connotation.)

If you aren’t quite ready, it’s no big deal.  Take your time.  Enjoy the time you have with your husband now, and be selfish with it, because like my Mom always says, “Once you have children, your life is no longer your own”.  And then she proceeds to ask, “So, where are my grandbabies?”  Mother, make up your mind!

But, I really do take that quote to heart.  Many of my friends have newborns and I know just how much time is dedicated to them.  All of it.  They don’t mind of course, because it’s also the happiest time of their lives.

Even though I truly can’t wait to be a mother, I know it’ll happen when it’s supposed to happen.  So, right now, I’m appreciating sleeping in until 10am every day.  I’m appreciating the lack of clothes I get to wear around the house. (If I see any Peeping Toms, know that I will go-go-Gadget my fist right into your face.)  I’m appreciating spontaneous trips.  I’m appreciating a size 6.  I’m appreciating happy hours with friends.  I’m appreciating quiet dinners. For now, I’m simply appreciating the precious and beautiful alone time I have with my husband.  I think you should too.

8 comments

  1. Sarah, I hope you have babies soon! And get at me with questions and freak outs, I have got lots and lots of experience!!!! Love your blog! So glad we met last weekend!

  2. Think about this tonight when you go to sleep in your comfortable bed, take your shower, eat your breakfast…

  3. Always search for what you want in life, it that involves babies then fine but if the time isnt right dont do it, there is to much to do and explore to just throw it away because of outside pressure, when the time is right for you, you’ll know.

    I write a blog on breaking out of social constraints, if it would help you give it a read. http://www.bendinglifesrules.com

  4. Okay. I confess to speaking when I have no business to do so. I’m a guy and a clueless one at that. But that is the lot life has dealt me so I can only speak out of ignorance.

    I agree with Sarah on this. What’s the rush? You and your husband should enjoy your life together for as long as it takes for you both to wish you had others to share it with. That’s what kids are for!

    My grandmother was shipped over from Sicily to marry my grandfather at 14. 14 for crying out loud! My aunt told us nana would hide under the bed when he came home. She had 16 or 18 children (depending on with legend you choose to believe) and many died young. She was the most miserable woman I have ever known. Who could blame her? And her bitterness has been passed on to most of her offspring through multiple generations. Love can last a lifetime, but “miserable” usually lasts forever.

    Take your time. You’ll know when your ready.

    My wife and I married at 22, had our first child when we were both 28 (okay, so we jumped the gun by a year) and our second 3 years later. We just “knew” it was time. And what do you know? We are all happy, well-adjusted adults.

    I feel so guilty at times not having carried on the tradition.

    1. You are too funny! I’m sure that guilt of not carrying on the gazillion children just eats you up inside. As it should, Mister! Haven’t you heard anything about the lack of reproduction we’re experiencing in this world? 😉
      In all seriousness, you absolutely put it the best when you wrote, “You and your husband should enjoy your life together for as long as it takes for you both to wish you had others to share it with. That’s what kids are for!”
      Perfect.

  5. Sarah is right, when it comes to having a family, take your time, feel comfortable with your decision.
    You want to give your children the best of who you are. To do that starts with honoring yourself.

  6. If you live your life trying to fulfill someone else’s wishes and/or dreams, you’ll wind up being a very unhappy person.

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