farmer-holding-basket-and-chicken

Dating in the Midwest: Farmers Only

 

Jennifer Pruiett-Selby @PS_JenniferJ, poet and YA novelist, is also today’s hilarious guest blogger. She gives us some insight on dating in the Midwest, particularly when it comes to the dating site www.FarmersOnly.com.

 

Farmers Only

By: Jennifer Pruiett-Selby

 

Here in the Midwest, finding a date can be difficult. We suffer from a lack of population, meaning the “pickins” are slim, as well as image distortion in the public eye. Midwesterners are often portrayed as country bumpkins, toothless and inarticulate. Furthermore, most believe we can’t party late into the night because we all must rise early to slop our chickens.

The commercials for the dating site FarmersOnly.com feature men who fit the mold of stereotypical farmer, a bit dumpy with their tilted hats and stained T-shirts beneath unbuttoned flannels. No farmer I’ve met would sit out in front of his barn with his laptop, just to search for a dating website tailored to his needs: finding all the “country girls.”

Next, after our friend moves bales of hay and mends barbwire fences, he decides to venture from his aptly-named ranch, Lonely Acres. He saunters into a local bar to inquire of the whereabouts of said country girls. The bartender tells him where to go: FarmersOnly.com. As he clicks to join, a gaggle of ladies clad in Daisy Dukes and fringed ankle-boots magically appear at the other end of the bar, holding pool cues and singing the jingle in unison. Mission accomplished.

According to the informative, strictly unbiased resource known as Wikipedia:

“FarmersOnly.com is an online dating service for farmers, ranchers, and people living in rural areas [and] as of 2015, the site has over 600,000 visits per month and is ranked #119 among dating websites.”

I should probably be ashamed to admit this, but I was unaware of the existence of even 100 dating websites.

Google it. You’ll immediately arrive at an offer that’s hard to pass up: “Sign up for free to find a farmer, rancher, cowboy, cowgirl or animal lover here at Farmersonly.com.” Now, it may say more about me than anything, but only one image comes to mind when I read the term animal lover in conjunction with a dating site. (Hint: What happens in the barn, stays in the barn.)

I’m positive that isn’t the intended meaning, but it sure doesn’t help detach farmers from the undesirable association to the punchline of many bestiality jokes.

Of course, we often try to ward off these rumors, flaunting our intelligence and attractiveness to visitors from far-off wonderlands like Las Vegas and Vancouver. Sometimes, these efforts fail.

While travelling I-235, which runs through the heart of Des Moines and the metropolitan area, I noticed a sign pointing the way to the DMS Airport. This is strange, because the internationally-recognized 3-letter code to identify the Des Moines Airport is “DSM.”

A quick search of the handy online Urban Dictionary tells me DMS is an acronym for either “Dirty Money Syndicate” or “Drugs Money Sex.” Not exactly a desired association for the one and only international airport in Iowa.

Or is it? Perhaps, this was intended to counterbalance the image portrayed by FarmersOnly.com. As if to say, “See, we’re not all agrarian and lacking in spontaneity. Some of us are straight-up players.”

 

To read the full version of Jennifer’s original article that appeared in her “Awkward in the Midwest” column on Easy Street Magazine, go to http://www.easystreetmag.com/farmers-only/
Jennifer Pruiett-Selby wrangles five children with her husband, poet Jason Selby, in rural Iowa. Her work has found homes with PRAIRIE SCHOONER, HOBART, CALYX, CRAB CREEK REVIEW, LUNCH TICKET, RUST + MOTH, RED RIVER REVIEW, and EMBER. Her column, “Awkward in the Midwest,” appears monthly in EASY STREET MAGAZINE. https://jenniferpruiettselby.wordpress.com/ @PS_JenniferJ

2 comments

  1. “‘…Perhaps, this was intended to counterbalance the image portrayed by FarmersOnly.com. As if to say, “See, we’re not all agrarian and lacking in spontaneity. Some of us are straight-up players.’”

    Hilarious! Thanks for posting!

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