She Dated Him. He Dated Her Friends. Her Turn Again?

Sarah, 

am a senior in high school. Back in eighth grade I began dating a boy I had known since 1st grade. We dated on and off for three years.  Then, sophomore year we broke up and decided it was the last time.

Junior year came along and we didn’t talk much but my “best friend” decided she wanted to go for him. I told her I wasn’t comfortable with that and she backed off. However, the summer after junior year she snuck behind my back with
him. Now more currently, this boy dated another one of my friends, who I’m not actually very close with. They actually broke up a couple days ago. But now he and I have started talking again and we want to try and be together. Do you think this makes me a bad person? And should I go through with it?

 

This is one heck of a circle of friends you’ve got going on here.  Tag!  You’re it!  Again…

Why did you guys decide to break it off in the first place?  I could be wrong, but it sounds to me like this guy actually is really into you, which might be the reason he’s been dating your friends or people that are tied to you in some way.  He’s trying to stick around.  But are you just as in to him?

I’m assuming you feel like you might be a bad person for thinking about being with a guy who was dating your friends, and that it could make you look weak in the eyes of your friends or family.  In my opinion, it doesn’t.  The whole idea of it sucks, yes, but you guys weren’t together when he was seeing these other people, and he wasn’t cheating on you, so if you don’t think it’s a problem, it’s not a problem.  If you really miss him and absolutely can’t fathom the thought of being without him, then by all means, try it again.

However, you have already dated him once and it didn’t work out.  If you want to be with him again for the sake of security and familiarity (or to ensure that he keeps his dirty boy hands off all of your other friends), then don’t do it.   Imagine yourself back with him, having the same joys and the same snags you once did.  Is it all worth it?  If you know that being with him again may be stressful, or the idea simply doesn’t sit well with you, don’t do it.  And don’t do it just because it’s convenient – get back in a relationship when you have an irresistible desire kicking you in the stomach.

You’re still young, and you’ve already spent the majority of your young life with one guy.  Why don’t you think about giving yourself some time to date and find out if there are more suitable people for your personality, goals, aspirations, etc…?  Your ex got to do it, didn’t he?  Keeping my fingers crossed you won’t have to put up with any obnoxious tools, the dating experience can be really exciting!

Good luck!

3 comments

  1. I agree with the last part. She’s still young, so if she isn’t completely in love with this guy she should try meeting other people. She’s going to change so much in the next few years and staying in relationship that started when she was so young might make sense now, but it may not later.

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