I’m not married, but I have been with the same man for over six years (we’ve been engaged for three) and I have know for a long time that I need to leave, but I am scared of making a mistake.
There are things I will miss, but I tell myself time and time again that I need to be strong and I know it’s what I need to do. I just don’t know where to go. We own a home together. My family lives in another state and all of my friends are married or living with their significant other, and I don’t want to impose on them and “crash at their place for a while”. But I’m scared to sign a lease and be living alone (afraid I will isolate myself and it’s expensive!) but I also am too old for roommates.
I’m 28, I’ve done the college thing, and I just really am over it. I also hesitate moving back with my family (I haven’t lived with my parents for 10 years and I love them but the thought of moving in with them…ugh). Plus, I have a job here where I am that I have had for a long time as well as friends and acquaintances.
So I need some help! Some suggestions and insight.
One of the scariest things about leaving a relationship is living on your own – especially when so much of your life has been shared with another person. The unknown can be scary, but look at this as something exciting and new and a step in the right direction towards happiness! It takes strength to leave a situation you know isn’t right for you, but the things you’ll learn about yourself when you dig deep and find this strength are invaluable. Trust me on this one.
If you aren’t financially ready to be on your own, there’s nothing wrong with having a roommate. You aren’t too old to go that route, but be super picky and safe when choosing the person you’ll live with. If having a strange roomie just isn’t your thing, why not live with the ‘rents for a while? If they’re cool with you sleeping on your old Rainbow Brite sheets, use that opportunity to get yourself together and save some money for a place you can call your own.
Don’t look at it as something embarrassing or weak – it’s just life. And no one else needs to know your living situation anyway.
But, don’t stay in this relationship because it’s convenient.
You’re wasting your time!
You’re wasting his time!
It isn’t fair to either of you.
Do what you need to do for yourself, and move the heck on. And do it before you get married, please.
Divorce is a terrible-horrible-awful-dear-God-when-does-it-end thing to go through. Don’t let your fear of being alone or not knowing where to go prevent you from looking at this situation honestly.
Get out there and get happy.
You’ve got this.