“Chance makes our parents, but choice makes our friends.” – J. Delille

Sarah,

I find myself having fewer and fewer friends as I get older. (I’m not yet 30). I have some really great ones, but I don’t have much tolerance for anyone new, unless they have a lot of potential. Am I going to be a lonely old lady, or am I just “growing up”?

 

You are not going to be a lonely old lady!  What you may not realize is that most people are thinking about friendships the same way you are.  We’re all learning things about ourselves, and it’s okay to realize that those people you thought would always be your best friends now feel more like acquaintances.

In a world where we have hundreds of “friends” on Facebook (yes, I’m guilty of it, too), it may seem as though everyone is walking around with a mob of close buddies.  That is so untrue.  As a matter of fact, I just read about a new social site that will limit users to 50 friends.  Doesn’t having about 50 close friends and family members seem a little more realistic?  On my personal Facebook site, I have close to 750 friends!  How did that happen?  It happened because I met people under slightly false pretenses.  (At a bar.)  And so, another notch is added to my Facebook belt.  Granted, I’ve met some fantastic people through that site and would love to continue to know them, but like I said, some relationships were created with a misrepresentation of who each of us really are.

Your true friends are those that know you and accept you completely, and if you’re happy with the few select friends you have now, be thankful for them.  Don’t stress because you’re not entirely enjoying the company of others.  Or maybe you have no interest in building new friendships right now.  You go through a personal transition every few years, and so will your ideals, your preferences of people, and the standards that you’ll feel they must meet.

At this moment, I wouldn’t hang out with most of the people I hung out with in my early 20s.  In my early 20s I certainly wouldn’t have hung out with most of the people I did in my teens.  Because you’re always changing and seeing yourself differently, you will naturally find yourself growing apart from certain people.  It’s okay to only have a handful of what you consider first-rate friends.  Know that you’re lucky because you’ll find that these are the friends that are going to progress and change along with you.

 

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