You’ve got one day. One day to pick out your sexy dress, or one day to make sure your house is stocked with tissues for the sad you’re going to spill all over your face. You will either be gushing with excitement and spending too much money, or you’ll be collecting your tears into a vial that you’ll pour over the ashes of a burnt stuffed teddy bear you’ve inserted a knife into 92 times. (Deep breaths, people.)
It’s a freaking emotional day!
So, lads and lassies, let’s try to make this Valentine’s Day about others, and not just ourselves. Let’s make it about our significant others, but let’s also make it about our Moms, our Dads, our sisters and brothers. Let’s make it about our co-workers. Make it about the homeless men we ignore by pretending we’ve just received an important phone call from Gandhi – or Arsenio Hall.
Make it about that girl in your office – you know which one I’m talking about – the single one. Buy her some flowers, or even a small box of those chalky and nauseating little Eat Me heart candies. Or just pluck a flower from your absurdly large batch. She’ll be fighting back tears all day. Make her smile.
If you’re feeling extra kind, make it about the girl that does have a guy, but at 4:15 pm those flowers she just knew would be arriving to her desk…never did. She won’t act like it, but when the flowery smell from your desk invades her flowerless aura, she’ll also be upset. Console her. Smile and hand her one of your flowers. Don’t be all stingy and stuff.
*Also, screw it. Send yourself some flowers. Buy yourself something nice. You don’t have to rely on somebody else.*
And you know what? A lot of the single guys out there are going to feel a little dejected, too. (Men have feelings? Assphinctersayswhat?) Don’t forget about them. Bake them some V-Day cupcakes and throw a little Army figurine dude on top. Men do still play with those. Or, I really need to talk to someone about my husband.
Pick up a few things from Target on your lunch break today. Or, you could do what I did and go all second grade on your friends and family by handing out cheap, homemade cards. Because tasting Elmer’s glue is still fun.
Oh, and be courteous – don’t flaunt your gifts all day at work. Save the crazed excitement for later when you thank the individual that gave them to you. You don’t want to celebrate Valentines evening with a black eye, do ya now?
While there will be lots of romance and naked, chubby boys with weapons floating around our heads, let’s try not to single out this day only for those with whom we swap spit. News flash! Everyone wants to feel loved and appreciated! In whatever way you can, let others know that they don’t have to be romantically involved to be shown that they are cared about.