She’s Ready for a Relationship. He Isn’t Right Now. Should She Wait?

Woman Waiting By The Phone

Sarah,  

I dated the love of my life for 5 years and we broke up one time about a year ago, but only for 2 months. During the 2 months I was the one ignoring him and would only call him when I wanted to see him. We then got back together and lasted a year longer until this past February, and we were having a really rough time so we decided to end things for good. We ended things on a very mutual and mature note. We said we would be friends, and said we would still get married in the future when we were on the same page. (I am a year younger than him, way more outgoing, love to go out and enjoy life with friends, he is more into being a homebody, and fishing with the guys.)

So I thought it would not last long, but here it is July and all I want is to be with him. Now he ignores me and doesn’t want anything to do with me.  It’s like he’s getting pay back from this time last year when I did it to him, however I gave in last year. I saw him a few nights ago for the first time since before we broke up (we broke up over the phone) and I asked him why he has been putting me through this heartbreak and he just said over and over again that he is not ready, he has been keeping busy, and he wants to date me later in life and marry me. It just sucks because now I can’t move on. I can’t be serious with any other men because all I think about is my ex and how we want to get married, causing me to not get serious with anyone else.  What is your advice on my situation? Thanks!!!!!

 

I know what it’s like to be in love with someone for many years and to have that relationship come to an end, but not every relationship is meant to be one for life.  I believe each relationship does teach us about ourselves until we find the one that encompasses everything we know to be the best for our individual needs.

Let’s really look at your situation: It isn’t as though there’s some great circumstance preventing him from being with you now.  He’s making a choice, and as heartbreaking as I know it is, his choice isn’t you.  What really makes you think that’ll change one day? It might.  But what if it doesn’t?

Unfortunately, you need to face the possibility that he hasn’t broken it off completely with you because he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings.  It’s definitely a chicken thing to do, and he’s not the first man (or woman) to do it, but it’s a lot easier than going through a full-blown break up; just leading you on and on with no true intention of ever getting back together. (We all want to avoid the scary mascara tears and flying dishes that can accompany a breakup.)  Or maybe he does believe you will be together, but why does he get to decide when?

You can’t predict the future, and you can’t predict how you’ll feel about each other in a few years.  People change. In a few years you may look back at him and wonder why you were ever together in the first place.  (Been there.  Done that.)  So why spend time waiting on him now?  You should be with someone who respects you now – not later.  Be with someone who gives you their attention now – not later.  If one day your paths cross again, and you’re both at a place in your lives when it works, then so be it. But you can’t play his waiting game and ever expect to be happy.

I’m not saying it’ll be easy, and you’ll probably always love him in some way, but for now, get on with your life without him. If you don’t, one day you’ll resent him for stealing your precious time, and you’ll also be angry with yourself for allowing it to happen.

Respect your life enough to give yourself room to breathe and to move on with an amazing existence that isn’t determined by his “one day” promises.

About Sarah

I give free relationship advice. Advice you never knew you wanted. Somehow, I know what I'm talking about.

Comments

  1. It sounds like she is playing games and I think that he’s lucky to be away from her.
    If the writer says that she’s more outgoing and social, then she should spend a few months (or years) getting it out of her system and just have some fun. If he’s ready to come back, then maybe consider it but you never know who you will meet in the meantime.

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