She Shouldn’t Dip Her Pen In Company Ink. Wait, That Doesn’t Sound Right.

Hi Sarah,

I don’t know if this is a question, but more like just want your opinion. I am a 40+ Asian female working as a counselor. I met a 26 year old Caucasian male, my client, about 6 months ago. Actually, he liked me at first but did not let me know until 4 months later. I try to keep it casual as friends by meeting with him during my lunch hour and talking on the phone at work basically. He has a drug history background, unemployed, and is dependent on his mother. He said he likes me a lot and when asked, he said he loves me but sometimes think about me. I want to add that he has Asperger which makes him sometimes socially awkward, unable to express himself or sometimes nervous around me. I don’t think about that at all but rather he is tall, cute and comes from a good Christian family. Sometimes he calls me two or three times a week but at least once a week. Recently we see other once a week. He said one time that he wants me to be his girlfriend but was not sure if I accept him as a boyfriend. He never met my family or my two daughters. I did meet his mother and know his brother but everyone is unaware of our relationship. He does ask when he can meet my kids or if I tell them about him. One thing is we never go out on the weekends either. Do you think he wants to pursue a long term relationship or just casual friends?

Thanks for your answer.

Let’s be serious. (And the only way to do this is to make all of you 20-year-old guys quit fantasizing about your older, smokin’ hot, female boss for half a second. I said stop it!)

It’s easy to believe that you have feelings for someone when you’re working so closely and so intimately with an individual. I know that. And I also know you love the attention that you’re receiving from this guy. It feels nice, right? Of course it does. However, you are completely overlooking the situation at hand.

He’s confided in you like he probably never has with anyone else, and you’re helping and comforting him along the way because that’s your job. It’s your JOB. He’s young and confused and taking your kindness and attentiveness as something more than it truly is. Something more than you ever should have let it be.

I’m very familiar with Asperger’s, and while we all deserve to love and be loved, as a woman in her 40s, you should know that if someone says he “likes” you and sometimes “loves” you, something’s highly amiss. Aside from his Asperger’s, and even his age, you know his troubled background and current situation better than anyone. Why would you believe he’s someone you would want to be in a long-term relationship with right now?

Meet up with him only when your job calls for it. He needs your help and guidance as his counselor – not as his girlfriend.